


Loss of a Friend is the Hardest Loss to Handle

by Psychopathic_Nerd54



Series: Dem Salty Bois (and friends) One Shots [6]
Category: Dem Salty Bois - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Gar's only mentioned, Guidance Counselor!Wade, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pat's just super sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:21:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23565220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychopathic_Nerd54/pseuds/Psychopathic_Nerd54
Summary: Pat is dealing with a loss and is sent to the school guidance counselor for help.
Relationships: Garuku | Garuku Bluemoon/PatrckStatic
Series: Dem Salty Bois (and friends) One Shots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/929742





	Loss of a Friend is the Hardest Loss to Handle

"Mr Static. I assume you know why you're here?" Mr Barnes asked as the session began. Mr Barnes was the guidance councilor at Patrck's high school. Kids would come to him in times of need or distress. As far as Pat knew, he was good at his job. But then again, he was here for reasons he would rather not discuss, it was too painful.

"Yes." Was Pat's short answer. He didn't want to talk but he was stuck in this room for an hour. There wasn't much else he could do. It's not like he was a delinquent, he was just a confused kid who was hurting. People were growing worried. So here he was.

"Tell me then, what is the reason?"

Pat let out a sigh, his eyes staying trained to the ground. "People are worried about me. People think I'm a harm to myself or others."

Mr Barnes nodded, writing something down. "And why do people think this?"

"Like you don't know. The whole school's been talking about it." Pat laughed out dryly, his lip quivering slightly. It just wasn't fair.

Mr Barnes looked up at Pat. "Patrck, I'm asking you this so that we can acknowledge the issue. You're here to hopefully get this weight off of you, to talk about it." He looked back down at his notes. "So tell me, Mr Static, what _is_ the issue?"

Pat stayed quiet for a minute. He wasn't sure if he could talk about it but he didn't have a choice. Finally, he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "I'm here because he's gone. I'm here because he's dead."

"And who is it we're speaking of?" Mr Barnes asked.

"G-Gar. Garuku Bluemoon." Patrck gulped back the sobs he felt coming up his throat.

Mr Barnes wrote something down, letting out a long sigh. "Tell me Mr Static. What was your relationship to Mr Bluemoon before he died?"

Patrck opened his eyes, tearing them away from the floor to look up at the councilor in front of him. "I was in love with him."

Mr Barnes nodded, a sad look etching it's way on his face. "So he was..what? Your boyfriend?"

"No. He didn't know how I felt about him. And now he never will." A single tear left Pat's eyes. He quickly wiped it away before Mr Barnes could see, trying his hardest to fight back the storm of emotions fixing to hit.

"And why is that, Mr Static?" Mr Barnes asked. "Why didn't you tell him?"

"Because I was scared."

"What were you scared of?"

"Rejection."

"Can you elaborate a little more?"

Pat let out a sigh. "Gar didn't have the best home life. He was abused by his mother. He kept it hidden well, I don't think anyone else knew." Pat closed his eyes once more, letting memories flood back, some more pleasant than others. "He didn't think anyone could love him. I was scared that if I told him my feelings, he would reject me and tell me it was sympathy and that it's not real. That no one could really love him."

"But you did." Mr Barnes added at the end. Pat nodded. "How did you find out Mr Bluemoon was dead?"

"I-i got a call on my phone. It was from the hospital. They told me that he was attacked. H-his attacker had a gun. They shot him. He was dead before they got to him." More tears slowly began to fall. "Th-they never c-caught the person wh-o did this to him."

Mr Barnes picked up a box of tissues sitting on his desk and handed it to Pat, who took them gladly.

"I know it must me hard losing the person you love and having no one to blam--" Mr Barnes started slowly, only to get cut off by Pat.

"But I do blame someone, Mr Barnes. Gar and I had just parted ways for the day when he got attacked. M-maybe if I would have stayed with him. M-maybe if I had decided to walk him home that day like I wanted to--"

"Then you both would have been killed, not just him." Mr Barnes cut in sternly.

"Well, that would be better than losing him and dealing with this pain!" Pat practically yelled back.

Mr Barnes sat down his pen once more and looked up at Pat. He studied Patrck for a moment. "Do you really wish that? Do you really wish you were dead just because he's gone? Do you really think that's what he would want?"

"Yes." Pat answered quickly. But then he hesitated. "No?" But then he backtracked again, feeling defeated "I don't know, Mr Barnes. All I know is that I can't stand feeling like this. He was my anchor, my everything."

"How do you mean, your anchor?" Mr Barnes asked curiously, once again picking up his pen.

"H-he saved me." Pat said. "He was the one there in my darkest time. A-after he...died...I was scared I would go back to what he saved me from. I was scared I would lose all the progress I had made with him. H-he had told me before that me, that I was the only thing keeping him from taking his own life. B-but someone else did that for him." Pat buried his face in his hands as he spoke. His was breathing deeply, trying to control his emotions. He had already started crying once, he didn't need to really lose it in this session. He hated crying in front of other people.

Mr Barnes watched him curiously, giving him time to recover. "Mr Static." He started cautiously. Pat poked his eyes between his fingers to look at the man in front of him. "What exactly did Mr Bluemoon save you from?"

Pat raised his head, contemplating showing the councilor for a few moments. After a while, Pat let out a sigh. "Before I show you, I want you to know that it hasn't happened in about two years. Not since after the fifth or sixth time he had caught me." Mr Barnes nodded his head, intrigued.

Pat took a deep breath, holding it as he gripped the sleeves of his jacket. He let out a shaky breath before pulling up his sleeves. There were thin white lines littering his arms. Mr Barnes stood from his desk, walking over to kneel down in front of Pat. "The first time he caught me was three years ago. I remember the day like it was yesterday, I think it was the day I really started falling for him. He held me in his arms, crying with me, telling me to never do this to myself again. I agreed at the time, but only to ease his mind, I knew it would happen again. He cleaned my arm for me, as gently as he could, like it was the most fragile thing in the world.

"The second time he caught me, he cried so much harder than the first time, saying it was his fault. That he should have seen the signs. I assured him it wasn't, that he couldn't have stopped it. After the third time, he started checking my arms daily as soon as I would get to school to make sure I hadn't done anything, which is when I got more creative. He thought I had stopped, when in reality, I had just moved to another part of my body. It was a good six or seven months before he caught me again, but I don't really count that one as catching me.

"The fourth time was probably the worst. The cuts were deeper than they had been before. I-i think I got scared at the amount of blood coming out of me. I called him, crying harder than I thought possible before. He was just so calm and collected through it. He stayed on the phone with me as he came over, keeping me calm and keeping me from hyperventilating. Once he showed up, he dressed my wounds just as he did that first time he caught me. Only this time, he didn't leave me to be home in time for his curfew. He told me...h-he said that I was more important than his mother's wrath. He stayed with me the whole night, hugging me to his chest until I fell asleep in his arms. I think it was only after I fell asleep that he cried, he wanted to stay strong for me. He was always strong. I admired him for it.

"The fifth time was two years ago, right before I stopped. It was the first time I picked up the blade since the last time he caught me. He knew something was wrong all day. The last thing he said to me before we parted ways was to make sure I didn't pick up the blade. That I was better than that. I didn't believe him.

"After it had happened, I had texted him the words 'I'm sorry'. He knew what it meant right away. He came over as soon as he could. Multiple fresh cuts were on my arms. He had started crying at some point while dressing the wounds as he did so often. He told me that this needed to stop. He said that if I couldn't do it for myself, then to do it for him. I-i think those were the words that drove me to quit.

"After that day, every time I had felt like relapsing, I would call him and we would just talk until I felt better. Those days diminished after a while, I became happier, and the urge to hurt myself lessened. It hadn't even come up now that he's gone. I-i couldn't bring myself to dishonor his memory like that."

Mr Barnes had ventured back to his desk at some point while Pat was talking. He was listening intently.

"So Mr Bluemoon was the reason you quit harming yourself. It's good to have an anchor like that, Mr Static. Has anyone else stepped up in his place once he died?" Mr Barnes asked.

Pat stood abruptly at the question. "No one could replace Gar." He said firmly as he walked around to the door. "I need to go."

"Mr Static!" Mr Barnes yelled after him.

"I-i need to see him." Pat said, running out the door. He didn't stop running.

Mr Barnes continued to yell after him but he didn't stop. Tears were falling, blinding his vision. But even then, he didn't stop.

He didn't stop until he reached the graveyard. He didn't stop until he reached Gar's grave.

Pat fell to his knees in front of the grave stone, head in his hands, sobbing.

"I'm sorry, Gar." Pat sobbed. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you like you saved me."

Patrck cried himself to sleep laying on the grave. He was there the whole night. In his dreams, Gar was alive. He was holding Pat as he cried.

"Why do you have to go?" Pat would ask.

_"It's my time, Patrck. Stay strong for me. I love you."_ Gar would respond.

"I love you too."

But then Pat would wake up and realize that he was still laying on the grave if the man he loved.


End file.
